My Boyfriend Wants to Be a Dating Coach — Actually, a Pick-Up Artist.
- Flirting, Flirting, Meeting Men, Why Do Guys Act This Way?
Evan,
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and we have a very strong and healthy relationship. We have lots of fun together and we can always solve the problems that arise in our relationship. A few months ago, Luis decided to start studying strategies to be a dating coach. I support him, because I believe in him, but I’m very worried because I know he trains approximation strategies in certain circles of women. I am very afraid that in this research he will eventually find someone else. I have always supported him and we talked a lot about this issue. He is sincere with me, but at the same time I am very fearful that our relationship will be compromised…
What do I do in this situation? —Sofia
Dear Sofia,
There’s some information left out of your question that makes it difficult to give the most accurate dating advice.
How old are you? How old is Luis? Are you living together? And how are you doing financially?
All of this matters.
Sure, there are lots of people who give dating advice, but how many of them have you heard of? How many of them give good advice that makes you think or makes you laugh?
Because if you’re over 30 and you’ve been together for four years, you should be moving in together, getting engaged and locking it in — if, of course, marriage is something you desire.
If you’re under 30, I would probably just move in together to see what life looks like as a married couple. I know this isn’t your question; it’s just relevant when we’re assessing Luis’ maturity and career prospects.
So let me tell you something about being a dating coach: there aren’t very many successful dating coaches. Sure, there are lots of people who give dating advice, but how many of them have you heard of? How many of them give good advice that makes you think or makes you laugh? How many of them are making a good living, full-time, at this dating coach thing. Not many at all.
I’m extremely lucky that:
a) I got in early, before everyone in the world thought he/she could be a dating coach.
b) I’m an actual writer, not a dating coach who happens to write.
c) I had two “real” books and a lot of media attention to validate me.
d) I started a blog 5 years ago that got over a million viewers last year.
e) I have a crazy work ethic.
f) I figured out what I was doing wrong in love, admitted my failures, and chose my wife.
Without ALL of those things, I might not be a dating coach. Before you encourage Luis to pursue his passion, make sure he has the goods. He better be a great writer, a hard worker, amazing on camera, technologically savvy, and say something that we haven’t heard before.
Oh, and that’s the last thing that makes me worry about Luis:
He’s not a dating coach the way I’m a dating coach. My job is to help women understand and relate to men. What’s Luis’ job description that worries you so much?
It’s not dating coach.
It’s Pick-up Artist!
I talk on the phone with women around the world. We log into Match.com, look up cute guys, flirt with them, and talk about what’s happening on their dates.
Pick up artists go up to strange women wherever they are in order to a) get their number and/or b) sleep with them.
Hmmm. Which sounds like a better bet if you’re the patient girlfriend?
My concern, frankly, isn’t that Luis is going to fall in love with someone whom he’s “sarging” at Starbucks. It’s that his entire persona and lifestyle will be wrapped up in the active pursuit of other women. And even if it’s for educational purposes — even if he loves you and is pure of heart — he’s putting himself continually around a lot of temptation.
Pick up artists go up to strange women wherever they are in order to a) get their number and/or b) sleep with them.
Me? I work from home. I’ve got a kid. I live in the suburbs. I rarely go out without my wife. And even though I’m one helluva flirt, I’m about a safe as men come. In Luis’ role as a pick-up artist, he’s going to be about as risky as they come.
I know I’ve hijacked your question a bit, Sofia, but my bigger concern for you is not your boyfriend’s fidelity, but his income stream.
The PUA market is so oversaturated with guys who learn others’ techniques and recycle them under new names/brands that I would guess it would be hard to make a name and a living.
Why would anyone go to Luis when they could go to Neil Strauss or Love Systems or Pickup101 or David Wygant?
Until your boyfriend answers that question — how he’s going to differentiate himself from the hundreds of other guys doing the exact same thing — I don’t think you have all that much to worry about.
Comments